Do you need to feel your feelings?

Feelings are like the tides of the ocean, rising and falling within us, often without warning. They are an intricate part of what makes us human, a natural response to the world around us. Just as a whale needs to surface for air, our feelings emerge when their time has come. But what should we do when faced with this emotional tide?

1. Observe Without Judgment: The first step in dealing with your feelings is to simply observe them without passing judgment. Allow them to flow freely, recognising that they are a valid part of your experience. Emotions, whether positive or negative, are messages from your inner self, indicating that something is worth your attention.

2. Understand and Explore: Dive deeper into your feelings to understand their underlying meaning. Ask yourself why you feel the way you do. This self-reflection can reveal valuable insights into your needs, desires, and concerns. Remember that every emotion serves a purpose, even if it’s not immediately apparent.

3. Act with Compassion and Humility: Once you’ve identified the root of your feelings, it’s essential to act on them with compassion and humility. This means treating yourself kindly and understanding that emotions are a fundamental part of your human experience. Extend this understanding to others as well, recognising that everyone has their own emotional journey.

4. Acknowledge Their Importance: It’s crucial to remember that feelings are an integral part of who you are, and they should never be suppressed or ignored. Ignoring your emotions can lead to more significant challenges down the road. Just as a small ripple can grow into a mighty wave, unaddressed feelings can escalate and become harder to manage.

5. Embrace Compassion and Humility: In our daily lives, we should strive to embody compassion and humility. These qualities can guide our actions and interactions with others, creating a more empathetic and understanding world. When we approach others with an open heart and a humble spirit, we foster deeper connections and contribute to a more harmonious society.

Now, let’s consider the personal aspect. How do you feel about your feelings? Share your stories and experiences. Have you ever encountered a situation where acknowledging your emotions made a significant difference in your life? Your stories can inspire and resonate with others, reminding us all of the power of feeling our feelings.

Do you need to look back to look forward?

Have you ever wondered if it’s necessary to look back in order to move forward? Let me share a personal story that might shed some light on this age-old question.

I recently stumbled upon a photograph that whisked me back to a comical yet nerve-wracking moment from my past. Picture this: a grueling day-long drive from New York to Ontario, battling relentless blizzards. Somewhere amidst the snowflakes and swirling chaos, I managed to drop my keys, blissfully unaware until I needed them later. Panic ensued as I scoured the snowy landscape for my lost keys, seemingly swallowed by the winter abyss. In a last-ditch effort, I offered a reward to my smart niece, whose unwavering determination unearthed the keys buried deep within the snow.

This incident left an indelible mark on my psyche, serving as a reminder to safeguard my keys and keep them in a secure place. Our lives are brimming with mishaps and poignant experiences that inevitably shape our behavior and choices. This collection of personal narratives becomes the tapestry of our reality, unique to each of us. While reflecting on our past and acknowledging where we’ve been is crucial for personal development, it’s equally important not to become trapped in the past, endlessly reminiscing.

To evolve and grow through these experiences, we must embrace a set of fundamental principles:

1) Embrace Humor as a Coping Mechanism: One of the most potent tools we have is the ability to laugh at ourselves, especially in the face of challenging errors or mishaps. Humor can act as a soothing balm for wounds inflicted by life’s unpredictable twists and turns.

2) Cultivate Gratitude and Humility: Every misstep and every painful experience can be a teacher if we approach them with gratitude and humility. These moments, though often uncomfortable, hold valuable lessons that can lead to personal growth and resilience.

3) Use the Past as a Launchpad for the Future: Our past is not a stagnant reservoir of memories; it’s a reservoir of knowledge and wisdom. By leveraging our past experiences, we can better prepare ourselves for the uncertainties of the future, striving to be the best versions of ourselves in every moment.

Now, let’s engage in a conversation. Do you embrace these principles in your own life, or perhaps you have similar guiding principles that help you navigate your journey? How do you personally use your past experiences to shape your path forward? Share your thoughts and let’s embark on a journey of self-discovery together.

Are you driven by desire or need?

As you start the new year, you can press the reset button on your habits and priorities. Many will be making resolutions to improve some aspects of our life. This article summarises the top ten resolutions and provides practical guidance on how to stick to them.

Before you decide on a resolution you need to understand why this is the right time and this requires you to understand your motivation. You can group them into things driven by basic needs such as survival. Fresh air, water, food, shelter, protection and health are examples of the basic needs. Don’t confuse these with the desires that emerge once the basic needs are satisfied. Knowing that you may not continue to live or will experience severe pain is a very powerful motivator. Creating a similar level of motivation for desires can require a lot more effort, and focus.

So this year before you decide on your new year resolutions ask yourself what kind of resolution it is and why you want to succeed. Being honest with yourself and adapting your approach with this insight is vital for success.

What are your resolutions for this year and how are you going to ensure success this year? Do you have an approach that has worked and will help or motivate others?

What is the essence of love?

I have heard the phrase “I love working here” many times over the last few weeks which is wonderful and very uplifting. It got me thinking about the love in a number of contexts and the language that underpins this. Love exists between two people, between a group of people, with an activity or with an object. For each of these there seem to be four common aspects which are fascinating.

Firstly there is an emotional connection that allows the experience to be memorable. These experiences are often shared in stories.

Secondly there is a shared value that is at the core of the love. For an organisation that might be the purpose or the societal outcomes that are created.

The third aspect is for everyone involved it feels obvious and can be difficult to explain. The experience is one where time flies by and you can enter a state of flow.

The final aspect is that you can leave all your other worries or concerns and lose yourself in the experience. The mutual trust and support allows you to be your best and reach a level of performance that you did not think was possible.

So love is where you Loose yourself in Obvious activities that you Value and create Experiences that you want to tell everyone about. That seems to be the essence of love. What are your thoughts? Does this resonate?

Are your dreams driving or destroying you?

Thoughts like “I would really like to” or “I wish I could” can fester in our minds for a long time. Some people put them on a bucket list waiting for the right circumstances. While others keep them private knowing that they are impossible and not worth consideration. The source of inspiration for these desires is varied. Being aware of the influence that these sources have had always been important but more so today with constant bombardment of targeted advertising. These dreams can be motivational or invoke negative feelings of jealousy or resentment. We need to check regularly that these dreams haven’t taken us into a dark place where we become bitter. We will see people that are trying to help us as against us. This is a time to appreciate all that we have and find shorter term more achievable goals that can take us towards our dream.

I can remember walking down a street in London as a student and seeing a red Mercedes sports car. The new paintwork glistened in the sun and the car invoked a feeling of freedom. It wasn’t just the car it was the lifestyle that it represented and the dream of one day owning a sports car was set. As I progressed through life the dream stayed stagnant as a sports car was impractical and an extravagance well beyond my means. Once the circumstances were right I was able to purchase a sports car and have the pleasure of driving it.

Was the wait worth it and did it match the expectations the advertisers set? There is no doubt that the reaction from strangers is surprising. My wife who is the main driver for the car, regularly has strangers commenting “nice car”. On reflection I don’t think I had any specific expectations and so this did not create any issues. Being truly grateful and content or satisfied will allow you to appreciate what you have. Also remember that you will only be responsible for this possession for a short time. Think as if you are the custodian rather than the owner. This ensures that you stay grounded Retain a sense of gratitude for whatever you have and let these kinds of dreams guide your path. As we grow older we do shift from materialistic dreams to altruistic goals. Maintaining a healthy balance is vital so that you can feel fulfilled.

Do you have any dreams or ambitions that will take many years to realise? How will you feel when you achieve this dream? Please do share your stories of either past dreams or future dreams as I am sure others will find them valuable.

Do you feel you belong?

Over the last two weeks I have had a number of conversations about losing a sense belonging. One person talked about a strong sense of belonging to the team but not belonging to the organisation. Another person talked about not feeling a sense of belonging in the family. Another talked about not belonging to the company because it had changed so much. This got me thinking about belonging and why it’s so important that we need to feel that sense of belonging.

Belonging starts with connections through shared activities, experiences or values. When these connections start to be severed the sense of belonging also diminishes. This can be worsened when a misalignment of values is discovered or exposed. We saw this very clearly between families during Brexit or similar polarising political decisions. As with many things belonging requires effort from all those involved. An organisation with a clear purpose and values that materialise in the activities of the employees is more likely to engender a sense of belonging. A family that has regular meals together and shared interests creates a strong bond of belonging.

Everyone craves a sense of belonging and will move like root seeking a source of nutrition. When we start to feel that we do not belong we need to understand why. Explore what has changed. Decide if you have changed or your context has changed. Be careful to not act too quickly as it is easy to do something that you will regret in the future. Look for multiple sources of evidence that convinces you of the right action. Then and only then act. Cherish that sense of belonging as this makes life worth living.

Where do you have a sense of belonging in your life? How does it make you feel? Have you made any changes that have increased your sense of belonging and what experiences can you share to help others?

Why are humility and gratitude vital when you are not winning?

One of the interesting exercises I try to do is to imagine looking through someone else’s eyes. The use of cameras or photos can help but the reality is that it is not your eyes that see. The real seeing happens in your mind. The eyes are simply the translator of light into a signal that your mind can interpret. It is impossible to have all the experiences that the other person is using to interpret those signals. The conclusions and resulting actions are unique to the individual. We will do something with the anticipation of the result. We are happy when the result is as expected. However, the unexpected happens. If this happens once or twice we brush it off as one of those things. All too often we get a series of what we perceive as failures and we are left perplexed and unable to find a path to restore our happiness.

This is a time when we have to remember that we can only choose our actions, not reactions. Just like the eye cannot see, it is the mind that does the seeing. We are too close to the “action” and need the help of others to understand the outcomes. Others need to help us see the aspects of the situation that we are missing. They can make us aware of the alternative actions and show the signals that we had missed. The problem we all face is that our previous successes with these kinds of actions will make us blind to reality. The arrogance from previous success will stop us from asking for help. We need to cultivate our inner humility and look for trusted independent help.

Avoid asking people who will tell you what they think you want to hear. Those that have a vested interest in protecting an existing relationship might not be ideal here. When you show authentic gratitude to those that give you the advice you need rather than the advice they think you want to hear a new path of success will open up.
The adventure of life requires we all build on what we know to learn new things and grow or progress. The potent combination of gratitude and humility makes the adventure both possible whilst being enjoyable.

Do you try to be grateful when things are not going well? Does that help you and if so how? How do you protect your humility when things are going well? Please do share your perspectives as I think this topic needs a lot more discussion.